There have been 18 instances of gun violence in schools since 2018 began, with the most recent being the violent school shooting in Parkland, Florida that took 17 lives on Valentine's Day. Our schools which have always been thought of as safe havens for children have now become death traps. When we send our children off in the morning we do not want to worry whether we will ever see them again. But as more of these school shootings occur, our fears as parents increase, and our children's fears as well.
How can we reassure our children and help them to feel safe at school?
ADDRESS OUR OWN FEELINGS
One of the first things we need to do is address our own fears. Children look to parents for reassurance so if we are in a state of panic that will only exacerbate their fears. Recognize your own anxiety and find ways to manage it. This may include feeling those feelings, talking with someone, and engaging in self care such as exercise, yoga or music.
TALK TO YOUR CHILD
In a world of social media, depending on the age of your child, you have to assume that they know what is going on. Shielding them from the news and the realities of society is not realistic. It is better for you to talk to them than them hearing things that may or may not be true and worrying on their own. Be honest and straightforward, without graphic detail, about the events that occurred.
LISTEN
One of the mistakes parents make is trying too hard to come up with answers and reasons for everything without really just listening to our children. Let them take the lead and talk about what they think and feel. Be sure to answer any questions truthfully. Validate the feelings they share with you. Let them know that there are no right or wrong feelings but what is most important is that they are expressing them.
REASSURE THEM AS BEST YOU CAN
Explain that although you can't offer them any guarantees, schools are generally safe places. Statistically speaking, it is still unlikely that you will be a victim. Getting back to your routine of going to school and engaging in the daily activities of your life is important. Be sure you and your child know the protocols of preparedness of your school and what the plan is, should you need it.
BE PROACTIVE
Turn off the news to decrease their exposure to the negative event. Talk to your child about being aware of any red flags that they may encounter from other students at school or on social media and reporting it to authorities. Depending on their age, they may want to get involved in school safety and the prevention of gun violence. Feeling empowered is a good way to counter their fears.
If they express a real fear of going to school, including nightmares and a manifestation of physical symptoms, give them some time. Let them know that you are there for them, and that you believe what they are experiencing is real. If it continues, you may want to have them talk to the school social worker, psychologist or a professional outside of school. Most importantly, tell them you love them and hug them...a lot.